4.27.2007,8:39 AM
Life's Movies, or Post-trip Reflections
Life is but a series of movies strung together. The pictures don't change much but the narration does over time. Especially as more movies are added to the stream, or the individual short clips are pieced together. Like a silent movie, most times the narration is silent, heard only in your head.

I remember a discussion long ago with a friend who is an academic psychologist. Although I don't remember the original context of our discussion, a few comments he made remain imprinted in my memory as if they were made yesterday.

Life is an afterthought.

Our actions are based on expectations, past experiences and predictions. Sometimes we cannot accurately predict (or we miscalculate) the course of events following choices that we make. While these unknowns may strike fear into some people and immobilize them, others may take chances and venture forth; some recklessly, some bravely.

Of course, for every action, there may be one or several reactions (part of Elzi's First Law). Then it becomes a game of probabilities.

Elzi's First Law states that for every positive, there is a negative. And vice versa. This law is ubiquitous, from physics to biology and in every event that occurs, even in human relationships.

Despite that my recent trip seemed to be filled with negatives there were positives, too. Now that I'm home and rested, I'm reflecting on both. And how some of the negatives could have been avoided. Or what I could, and should, have done differently.

I'm also reflecting on the positives. Those will also be long remembered. Some fondly.

I took some chances, some recklessly, that I should not have. Even in spite of nagging doubts jumping out of their repressed box and waving their hands at me. We all have Demons; sometimes they serve a valuable purpose.

At times on this trip I felt humiliated, other times, I ate humble pie. But I also found more of what I was made of. Although there were moments I wasn't sure I had it in me anymore.

Much of my personal narration for this past adventure will remain private; despite this blog, I'm actually a relatively private person. But I will say that someone, a friend, was right and I was wrong.

Living alone and moving around all the time, you begin to feel like a shadow. Here and gone, flickering in and out of the corners of everyone's eyes and their lives. You usually don't develop close friendships, or avoid it. I haven't had many over the decades. I mentioned to him once that if I moved away today, few people would notice I was gone.

He replied that wasn't true. But I didn't believe him.

Now I do.

I was reminded of that on this trip. And he reminded me again last night.

Thank you. All of you.

Today I'll change my bike's oil, clean and lube the chain. Working on the bike, my trusted steed, has grown to be therapeutic. It's like spending quality time with your kid or spouse.

Then I may go for a long day ride to restore heart back inside me where it belongs, on the bike and on the road again.


posted by Macrobe
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