8.29.2015,10:45 PM
Another door, another life
It's been a year and a half since I left Texas.  Memories there are like a book I read of someone else's life. Flipping through the chapters, I am glad some are distant. Others, I mourn their passing. Former friends are busy living their lives, but I still send occasional postcards or letters rather than emails. Handwritten words seem more personal than finger messages typed in a hurry. It means I still care and cherish those connections. Other connections have been cut, thrown, stomped, and buried.

I've moved on.

It's funny how most acquaintances and friendships over the past five decades have dissipated into the Netherlands with no regret. And then later, a few remain as life-long connections. Those are the ones we take with us, no matter where we go. One or two I still reach out for in the darkness of the night, still unable to understand how they dissolved. But no matter how much I wish for a reconnection, the other end has to want it, too.

This might be my last decade. It fills not only with new people, but also many new relationships with all the other living creatures around me wherever I go. And I enjoy every moment that they share with me. My delight in the smallest experience knows no bounds. And I feel like I am genuinely alive. No demands, no commitments, no ties.

I'm free.
posted by Macrobe
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8.23.2015,7:23 PM
The caged female canid leaped out and dispersed. She roamed north and explored the margins of a rural town. With no GPS or track marks, no one knew where she roamed. Nor did she mark any territory. 

She lurked out of sight and watched passerbyes, but didn't linger long in one place. Slipping in and out of shadows, she explored until the heat and dust made her thirsty. Slowly she returned to her den where her own scent welcomed her. 

Drinking long from cold water, I sat down and picked up a book I started last night. It was a good dusty prowl.
posted by Macrobe
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8.22.2015,1:02 PM
To work or not to work
I vow to take a day off today.

I sit here next to multiple sheets of paper on which unentered data also sit, taunting me. Time is getting short, and I feel pressure to push all of it onto a spreadsheet and continue preparing an archive of everything milkweed and Monarch for the Refuge.

Yet...... I miss aimlessly wandering enjoying immersion with the birds and plants. But the smoke makes my eyes burn and water. I miss writing with a stream of consciousness from my fingertips. I miss exercising my dismal sketching skills, which sometimes surprise me when I look back at them. And I miss my daily miles-long walks. 

Instead I waste my time on FaceBook. ;)

But I have only 17 days left here before heading west and a week on the Oregon coast with no commitments and internet.

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posted by Macrobe
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8.21.2015,8:57 AM
Our War
We are at war.
An undeclared war.
Hate, racism, bigotry, selfishness, violence, misogyny, 
all the darkness of humanity increases every day.
We increasingly destroy our environment, 
other species, each other, and ourselves.
Every day.
Is THIS the family, neighborhood, community, nation, 
and world we want to live in? 
Don't just point fingers and wave at someone else. 
Look at yourself in the mirror. 
Then talk to your family members, neighbors, 
fellow community and country members. 
This is not just your world. 
It is ALL of ours, including those that have no voices.
Be the change you want to see. 

Make a difference.


posted by Macrobe
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7.19.2015,6:40 PM
My place in this world

Calmness is being outside
When the sun rises
With kingbirds squeaking
Killdeers calling
And Coyote songs
Echoing around.
The emptiness of humanity
Is filled with the richness
Of others
And fills me with calm
And wholeness.
This is my place.
With them.
As a nothingness
That is complete.

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posted by Macrobe
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6.14.2015,9:38 PM
When we get older.......
Met a couple today on the Refuge, in their early 70's, riding around the west two-up on a Kawasaki KL250 (the little brother of the KLR650) for the past three months. Living off the back of the bike, camping under junipers, in fields, in sagebrush. She used to ride an old BMW125 when she was raising her children and hundreds of cattle. He's been riding bikes since he was 12 yo. They got married four months ago.

They are my heroes. They are living life as it is meant to be lived. Alive and free.
posted by Macrobe
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6.01.2015,9:36 AM
The Rule of Seven. Happy New Year, Self!
I hate the number seven. It seems that every seven years, my humanity is tested. Sometimes the trial is tough, challenging, and sometimes I fail. Trip and fall. Hit my head and have a headache for a year. But I always get up, put myself back together and carry on. The Survivor mentality. 

Or, as my father used to say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

By knowing things that exist, you can know that which does not exist. That is the void.” - Miyamoto Musashi

Last time was another test of my humanity. It wasn't as devastating as it was back in 2006. But, then again, I'm not as young as I was, either. And betrayals never get any easier to bear. Again, this was partly my own fault for forgiving an earlier transgression that I should have not have. 'Another chance,' I convinced myself. And it bit me a few years later.

"I feel like 

I've been here before, 
and you know, 
it makes me wonder, 
what's goin' on, 
under the ground."
Déjà vu.

Lesson hammered home. The Void.

Yet..... if this past trial had not happened, I would not be where I am now. I am strong, happy, productive, and full of life. Living what exists now, I also know what no longer exists. And I am grateful for that. Rising from the ashes and flying with flames of rebirth. "In my pockets, I carry new-found fruits and seeds that nourish my journeys. And scatter some along my way."

Happy First Anniversary, Phoenix. Welcome back, you old wolf. 
Let's go, brother Coyote. We have an adventurous road of discovery ahead of us.

The truth is that strength lies in the interior of the Warrior: in his heart, his mind and his spirit… The heart is essential in helping the intellect to understand the spirit.” - Miyamoto Musashi, Book of Five Rings

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posted by Macrobe
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