8.21.2007,9:24 PM
Stirrings and shadows in my mind, contemplations in the heart, memories jostling each other, tumbling down the long corridors of time. Knowing in my head what I had to do and a sadness slouching in the shadows where it has lurked for months.

Like all the others before, the knowledge that I have to let them go, fighting to push down the lost hope once and for all, down in the murky waters of remembrance. To toss the fervent yet fragile ties aside and rub the eyes to clear the mirage of a bridge that once connected us.

Was it real? Was it all feigned, pretended or fantasy? Or misplaced values? I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to know. It doesn't matter anymore. The broken pieces can't be put back together again. All the King's horses and all the King's men sighed their sorrow, turned around and went home.

Riding the long way home on the back roads, the contemplations, inner battles and doubts jumbled and spilled out on the roadway. A sadness weighted me down, but the more I rode the more assured I became, gaining confident intention. I knew what I had to do, and why.

I arrived home lighter, freer, less burdened. I let him go, just like the others. It was time. All that had transpired between us evaporated in the curtain of the night as it descended upon me. Sitting on the bike, looking at the twinkling stars, the half circle of a moon, like I did so many times before. Except he whom accompanied me on those night musings, rode invisibly with me on my journeys, and shared all the wonders I beheld....... he is gone. I let him go.

Yet, the empty space is filled again with an extension of myself. Like a viscous colorless liquid that reflects myself inside. It's me again.

I'll miss him. With an after-taste of sadness.
But I have to move on.


posted by Macrobe
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