9.19.2007,8:09 PM
Darkness, darkness

It was a heavy day. My head felt mired in nothingness, my heart was heavy and bruised, my body was a dead weight. My consciousness closed the doors except for the mechanics of putting one foot in front of the other and breathing. The past five months seemed like bricks on my back and shoulders that I couldn't shrug off.

Broken pieces of my heart taped together strained at their bonds and threatened to fall apart. The hurt and betrayals, the humiliation and sadness, the hope that died a violent death. I felt like a bucket of damaged goods. With a strong sense of deja vu. And wondering why......why did this happen again? I knew why, and I had no one to blame but myself.

I wanted to be away from the lab, from the city, the noise and the people around me. I needed to be alone. My heart needed to go on a ride.

I left early and went for a long ride on the bike. Away from the city and the noise. Sometimes the open road mends the heart, applying a gentle tourniquet, stemming the flow of blood loss allowing it to heal itself. So my heart and I went for a ride.

The gravel drive and all the night noises welcomed me home to the sanctuary that refreshes my spirit. I sit outside on the bench and watch the sun dip down into the horizon over the pond. My bike stands on the gravel like a waiting steed. The half moon beckons the night creatures and their presence is betrayed by the cacophony of chirps and clicks. While the two resident owls hearken the darkness of their nocturnal world.

There's a comfort in this solitude because I am not alone. The moon, the owls, the stars; they won't lie to me. And out here, I'm just another night creature. I'm happy that we share the same solitude. It's like a warm blanket that comforts me as I sleep in the bosom of the night.

Let it go.

I'm home.

Darkness, darkness, be my pillow,
Take my hand, and let me sleep.
In the coolness of your shadow,
In the silence of your deep.
Darkness, darkness, has me yearning,
For things that cannot be.
Keep my mind from constant turning,
Toward the things it cannot see,
Things it cannot see,
Things it cannot see.
-Jesse Colin Young


posted by Macrobe
Permalink ¤