7.19.2006,1:10 PM
V-strom Assimilation

My new friend and I are bonding more and more every time we ride.

V-stroms are a paradox in some ways, but........

How I love my Whee; let me count the ways:

  1. They are homely but you can’t help be attracted to them. Their insect-like appearance becomes an endearing quality.

  2. They are tall; a 32.3 to 33.1-inch seat height. Regardless, riders with 28-inch inseams seem to find ways to fit together with their bikes. I'm that close (at 29").

  3. Often referred to as a ‘dual-sport’ bike, they don’t fit any category. They aren’t a sport bike, they aren’t a true standard (as classified by Suzuki), they fly over tarred roads and traverse streams, mud, gravel, snow and dirt. The V-strom DL650’s heart is a detuned SV650 engine with better lower-range growl than either their SV cousins or DL1000 brothers. A DL1000 loaded like a camel runs like a speeding bullet on the asphalt.

  4. They lie down and sleep and then sit up and beg. Reports of all types of crashes (ground and other moving vehicles) give testament that they are hardy buggers.

  5. You can buy two or three V-stroms for the price of a BMW and they will shine neck to neck.

  6. They are easy to work on; nearly every component is accessible on the nearly naked bike. Even beginner wrench monkeys like me can work on them.

  7. Outfitting and educating the V’s are like dressing your favorite doll. And you can ride this doll. Who needs fashion clothes when you can accessorize your V?
  8. V-stroms sing. Their sound is music to my ears: purring of a lion at high speeds, growling and singing revving through the gears, drone of low speed over gravel and grass, chirps like a bird over bumps or when rolling off the throttle, the whirring and whine at high speed on the open highway.

  9. The headlights reveal their personality under changing light conditions: the graceful musing Whee and the mischievous little devil.

  10. The front turn signals serve as bonding after you adopt your V, like changing diapers. They lose their front turn signals like children lose their front teeth.

On the various bike Internet forums, new owners and their V-stroms are absorbed into the Collective; the fraternity of V-strom riders and their mounts. Riders are Assimilated when they adopt a V and the bonding begins. The Newly Assimilated are warned about the front turn signals' propensity to break.

“The Collective instructs you to push it over, break a front turn signal and replace both with flush mounts. Do this before it falls on its own accord in a desperate attempt to remove its own front turn signals. Wee-Stroms are funny that way.

The Collective also instructs you to ride it like you stole it. [1]”

Sometimes the signals break by themselves, which was demonstrated with my own Whee (The Great Dog Pushover). Other occurrences are crashes with riders, such as my Conjoined Spill.

Feeling guilty about destroying the signal mounts, yet impressed that they still function, I was assured by others in the Collective that these occurrences are to be expected (I *was* forewarned about this, but I didn’t think it would happen to me). And thus the bonding between Whee and I are strengthened.

“Assimilation begins at V-Strom ownership. The front turn signal issue merely further cements your bond to the Collective.

The Collective instructs you to install flush mounts.”

The advice from the Collective is to replace the stock indicators with flush mount signals or shorter stalk signals. That shall commence after the seat is modified.

Then again:

“I think that I have found the reason for the front turn signal breakage, gravity. I have installed anit-gravity magnets in both lights and I think it may help in the short term. I may change to flush mounts to prevent my turn signals from pulling my Wee down to the ground.”

“The Collective instructs you to post further details to the Bureau of Scientific Knowledge and Mystical Farkles.”

“It would appear that there is no scientific or mystical explanation to this condition oh great one. It would seem further investigation indicates that it is a social problem based on the ancient Bushido warrior code. The lights consider themselves of poor design and therefore feel inferior. Their attempts to take their own lives, from the shame of their poor design, result in the large and small Stroms to be thrown to the ground in an effort to end their shame. Great damage can be caused by this method of seppuku and I suspect great care must be taken when parking a Strom next to a Katana.”

“And beware the BIG Dogs, whom are impelled to wrestle Wee’s to the ground and stand on them. They consider Wee’s Big Ducks on Wheels.

Thus the Education of Whee continues.

Another Assimiliation into the Collective.

[1] AdventureRider.com forum. Thread: “Vstrom owners check-in

posted by Macrobe
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