2.10.2007,8:32 AM
Mad Scientist Goes More Mad!!
News Flash........

"Mad woman scientist hijacks upper two floors of research building, holding all the flies and technicians hostage; putting duct tape over the mouths of two Asians, a man and a woman, that work next to her shared lab space and bicker all the time like a married couple; forcing all Asian post-docs to read aloud from primary grade school readers with 25ml pipets aimed at their heads, and promising not to speak another word in Asian tongue.

All PhD faculty scientists were compelled to don lab coats and gloves and perform bench work for ten hours a day while locks on their office doors were bolted and wired with self-destruct bombs of a very stinky chemical, methanethiol.

Thousand of fruit flies were released from their tubes out the window to succomb or survive natural selection rather than the human-ordained lab selection. A Greek lab technician in her lab was forced to cook Greek food on a series of bunson burners lined up on a lab bench. All lab timers, except her own, were gathered and dumped on the floor in a pile and several lab personnel were forced to jump up and down on them repeating "I will turn off my timer, I will turn off my timer.....".

Staff in the fourteenth-floor cafeteria were ordered by threat of poisoning by ethidium bromide to brew several pots of coffee to deliver with a plate of scones to the mad perpetrator on the 13th floor. Central Receiving reported bomb threats if deliveries were held up on their docks more than a day, and were coerced to promise that General Stores orders would be delivered within a week instead of the current four weeks.

Another group of Asians were forced to clean all the microwaves in the departmental kitchen and to recite "I will clean up after myself'. The office staff were allowed to roam free as long as they maintained the supply of hot cocoa in the departmental mail and coffee room.

The evil scientist conducted such activities via three large state of the art computers in the Zen room and web cams erected from the ceiling in every lab space and office. Physical plant personnel scrambled to deliver her motorcycle to the loading dock and up the freight elevators to the thirteenth floor where she could practice sharp turns in the hallways with an occasional run on the skybridge connecting the two halves of the campus. Any failure to meet these demands would be met with a broken bottle of mercaptoethanol in the air ducts of the 14-story building.

All inhabitants of the top two floors were required to sing along with Coldplay blaring on the stereo hooked to her desk computer, while mad scientist woman sat at the oak table in the Zen room gazing out the tall windows on both outer walls of the room, sipping coffee and smiling."


posted by Macrobe
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