12.06.2007,10:32 AM
The Gumby Rider Show: Episode 1
The Gumby Rider Show: “Is This You?”

And now, another episode in the Gumby Rider Show.

{Pan front of Gumby Rider and bike on country road in the dark, gently leaning into a country curve between trees. Pan closer on the V-shaped headlights and pan out to the side then rear of bike as it passes by camera. }


Gumby Rider gears down to navigate right turn onto frontage road and merges into left lane approaching ramp onto the highway. Approximately half a mile behind are many pairs of headlights bunched together in both lanes. Except for one lone pair of headlights in the right lane. As Gumby Rider tries to merge onto the highway right lane, the pair of headlights matches Gumby Rider’s speed and neither slows or passes into left lane, thus causing Gumby Rider to brake and nearly outride the entrance ramp.

Gumby Rider shakes her head wondering why the driver didn’t just move into the empty left lane. Gumby Rider pulls into the left lane to pass Mini Van and looks over at the driver. She sees a woman reading a book propped up on the steering wheel with the interior light on. Mini Van Driver is not paying attention to driving.

Gumby Rider’s right arm extends out ten feet and taps on Mini Van Driver’s window. Index finger makes a circle in the air then points downward. Surprised Mini Van Driver rolls window down. Gumby Rider’s hand quickly reaches inside the window, grabs book off steering wheel and smacks the woman on the head several times, then tosses book in the back seat. Astonished Mini Van Driver stares at hand while rubbing side of head. Gumby Rider’s index finger points to the woman then waves it side-to-side.

Bad woman driver.

Is this you?

Gumby Rider negotiates merging traffic from three access highways on Hwys 121/820/183 and maintains speed limit, eyes sliding side to side like a Cylon monitoring heavy traffic on five lanes in the dark. Gumby Rider hears a high pitch whine and sees a sport bike whiz by at 85 mph in the far right lane where other vehicles enter and exit. Gumby Rider turns the locater beam on Sportbike Rider and pushes a button to lock in tracking beam. Then she pushes another button which sends a message and signal to a nearby Law Enforcement vehicle. Shortly a flashing green light on the Gumby GPS device indicates message received.

A few miles ahead in heavy commuting traffic Gumby Rider passes a LE car on the side of the highway with blue and red flashing lights. In front of the car is Sport Bike Rider. Gumby Rider’s arm extends a dozen feet out to the pair on the roadside, fingers forming a big “Okay!”.

Is this you?

Exiting the highway by way of the ramp and onto frontage road, Gumby Rider switches the right turn signal to the left turn signal. She sees two pairs of big bright lights on a big brown Suburban speed up to her bike's rear end as she slows for the red light ahead. Gumby Rider flashes her brake lights as she shifts down, slowing for the stop, and watches Brown Suburban in mirrors, trying to avoid being blinded by the double pair of headlights. Brown Suburban backs off for a moment than stops barely a foot behind Gumby Rider at the light.

The light changes to green and Gumby Rider takes off and turns left like a horse out of the gate. Slowing down to negotiate an angled railroad track, Brown Suburban is again on her rear end. She stands up on the pegs extending her body up twelve feet high, big and bright in the night with her hi-vis vest on and beaming in Brown Suburban’s headlights. Blipping the throttle over the tracks, Gumby Rider is ahead again. Slowing for the red light ahead, again Brown Suburban is on Gumby Rider’s rear end. So close that Gumby Rider can only see headlights on one side of the vehicle in each mirror.

At the green light with turn signal on, Gumby Rider turns right and Brown Suburban turns wide into the other lane to pass her. Just as Brown Suburban passes her, Gumby Rider’s left arm and hand extend several feet out and down, poking a large nail into the passing right rear tire. The Brown Suburban slows with a flat rear tire and Gumby Rider slowly passes, her right arm extended out to the driver’s window with a fist and thumb up.

Is this you?

With a quick flick of the bike, Gumby Rider turns into the train station, slows, turning a nice controlled U-turn into an empty parking spot in the third row back. Gumby Rider sits and relaxes on Gumby Bike watching cars, trucks and SUVs pull in and jockey for position in parking spaces close to the train platform as they try and squeeze in. One car pulls nose in to a spot, backs out, turns, then spends the next two minutes trying to back into the spot.

Is this you?

Gumby Rider sits on her bike, watching the comical scene unfold and shakes her head. She pats Gumby Bike on its tank and gets ready for her morning commute on the train.

Another morning for Gumby Rider.

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posted by Macrobe
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